Black Friday 2009 - The Return

My special Black Friday uniform. I was trying to let the people in front of me know that they should move to the back of the line to get better service. Nobody moved.


Last year I witnessed my first real taste of Black Friday. It was an innocent 5 am trip to WalMart to get a $5 Barbie doll on our way to Circuit City. What my wife and I saw changed us forever. We were both a little less innocent from that day forward.

Fast forward a year later. This year, we have actual kids to buy for. Not just me saying that I have kids - really buying toys for myself. We decided we were going to take this seriously this year. I started doing my research two weeks ago. Turns out the ads appear online weeks ahead of time if you really look. By Monday, I had a good healthy list of stores we could go to. We modified it throughout the week.

After Thanksgiving dinner, my wife and I sat down and made sure we had a gameplan. We mapped it out. First up - ToysRUs at midnight. Second - Target at 5 am. Then - Staples, Office Depot, or Office Max for one last purchase.

The timeline:
11:00 pm - Lori's parents arrived at our abode to "babysit" our kids. The kids were dead asleep after a rockus day at meemaw and peepaws. A bomb could have gone off and those kids wouldn't have woken up. But, just in case, they were standing by. The plan was to tell them that mom and dad were having a meeting with Santa Claus. Dalton wasn't very good going to bed. That would have scared the bajeezus out of the poor kid. I was leaving prepared this time. Armed with a camera, "5 Hour Energy", and a pretty impressive shopping list, Lori and I made the 20 minute trip to downtown Killeen to hit ToysRUs at midnight. Plenty of time. On the way, we stopped and heckled the poor kids at Best Buy. They had been on television earlier. They'd been sitting out since Wednesday. I wanted to know what they were buying....so I asked. I wanted to ask if they had real jobs (or real familes....I already knew they didn't have real girlfriends) but we decided to head to the 'Us.

11:30 - We pulled around the corner and our stomach's sunk. The line was loooooong. It stretched around the building. I'd say there were 500-700 people in front of us. The good news was once the place opened, there were 500-700 people behind us, too. There were people in shorts and flip flops (it was 38 degrees). There were people there with their kids. There was one lady right in front of us that had a newborn. Before the line started moving, we noticed flashing lights the mile or so ahead (at the front door). We heard through the grapevine that it was like cutters. At that moment, I didn't care about drugs or gun crime. Arrest those line-cutting SOB's! I was COLD and Lori was starting to get grumpy. I kept the crowd cheerful with my tired wit and dry judgmental humor (Everybody in front of us is going to ToysRUs. Everybody behind us is going to ToysRThem......Is this the line for the Sarah Palin book signing?......Is this the line for Academy?.........The manager just told me that Taylor Swift is doing a surprise concert inside.) There were one or two people that didn't take my jokes the right way and got a little offended. If you decide to bring a newborn baby to stand in line in the 38 degree weather for an hour, then you deserve to be made fun of. And we just told her to go sit in the car and we'd let her back in line so the baby would stay warm. Most of the people around us had a good time.

12:45 - We're at the door! We had decided at that point that with all the people in front of us who had raped the shelves, we should just grab anything pink or blue and be happy with it. Our shopping list was detailed and plentiful with exact sale items. Once we got in, we instantly found the one "must have" item for us - Leapsters. Only green - no pinks left. Oh well....two green ones it is. We had other items on our list - some we nailed, some we missed. Once we decided we had scavenged all we could scavenge, we decided to find the end of the line. But - that was easier said than done. We quickly discovered that the captain of the ToysRUs ship was for ages 5-7 like the Leapster we were purchasing. There was a gridlock of baskets, rednecks, and white trash that were quickly growing angry and tired of the manager's directions. It was a mess. It took over an hour to get through the checkout line. And, that was with a little luck. Somehow, we ended up spending $178. But - the impressive stat is that we saved $143 dollars.

2:30 - Lori and I get back in the car with our new treasure. Our ankles a little sore. Our knees a little weak. My Five Hour Energy drink has kicked in full force. Lori, on the other hand, is fading fast. We get home around 2:50 and relieve the babysitters. They look at us with the pity and confusion of only two parents of 80's children can look. There was Black Friday in their day - but they didn't participate. And if they did, it wasn't at 3 am. I took a bathroom break, stocked up on supplies, got my ad's for Target and etc and hit the road again. This time solo.

3:30 - I pull up at the Temple Target and find that I'm in pretty good position. I'm about 30th at that point with an hour and a half wait until the doors open. The crowd is much more subdued (as any 3:30 am crowd should be). Pleasant, but honestly a lot more boring. I couldn't be friends with these people in real life. They snickered at some of my jokes ("Lets all rush across the parking lot and kick the butts of those Best Buy wussies") but I was tired and they weren't listening as much. I took a seat on the concrete and did my best not to drool on the shoes of the person in front of me. I took my second hit of 5 Hour Energy around 4:30 am. My list was a lot more serious this time. It consisted of the stuff I was not able to get at ToysRUs (Razor scooters, board games, Bakugan) and some stuff I was specifically there for (Leapster games, DVD car player). I checked the line before entering the store and saw that it was as impressive as the ToysRUs line earlier in the evening. Just the boost I needed to keep me motivated and my eye on the prizes.

4:59 AM - The staff at Target was awesomely friendly and helpful. Nothing like the dee-dee-dee's at ToysRUs (who looked as if the crowd in front of them was just a big game of russian roulette). They gave us neat little nylon shopping bags, maps of the store, helped the clueless on where to go once they entered the store. There were enough employees that it seemed like if there wasn't someone hovering over me, I could find someone if I just turned around. I got my Razor scooters to complete my "must have" list for the night. Got my Bakugan set, Uno cards, Candy Land game, Magnadoodle Pro, DVD, a little somethin' somethin' for myself, and then finished up with a butt load of Leapster games. Enough that I can give them games for Christmas and then another for their birthdays soon after Christmas. The DVD player for the car might even be an after Christmas/birthday gift. Looking at my list, the only thing we had as a "must have" that we couldn't find is karaoke microphones. At Target, we bought some big ticket tiems. Spent - $277. Saved $171 plus a $10 gift card (so $181). Impressed with my big bad self, I headed to my last destination.

5:30 am - I stuck my loot in the back of the truck and walked two stores down to Office Max. There were only three people in line. A kid who obviously had no friends away from his computer screen and two nerdy old men. I sat and listened to the nerdy geezers talk about how they had camped out at Best Buy since Wednesday to get a laptop computer that was awesome (but without Blu-ray, a camera, less memory than they would like....but other than that.....). As tired as I was becoming, it was rather relaxing. I was just here to get a wireless printer for my wife and I. If I didn't, no big deal. But the one we wanted was on sale for half price and is supposed to be awesome. Thirty minutes and we're done.

5:50 - Still listening to the old men impress each other with their computer conquest. But, I heard one of them say something about 7 am. 7 am? What happens then? Office Max opens at 7? No way....it must be 6 am. Everything opens at 6 am. Loner Everquest dude chimes in that the ad in the paper says 7. Screw that. I have TEN MINUTES to make it to Staples. It's 15 minutes away......but I'm in the zone......

5:59 am - I screech into the parking lot at Staples and walk up to the line of about 30 people about the time the doors open. I find exactly what I'm looking for. Looks like there is one left. I grab what I need. Cost - $162. Save - $150. In and out in 4 minutes.

6:23 am - I pass by Shipley's donuts and decide that donuts are a good thing after a night of no-sleep shopping. I grab a dozen and head to the house.

6:40 am - Home. Complete. I sneak the Target warez into the closet and hide them, update Lori on my antics and hijinxs, and sit at the computer to decompress. Thirty seconds after sitting down, my little boy is up and comes in to give me a hug. He has no idea I ever left the house. Except now there is a big printer box in the middle of the floor. Five minutes later his sister is up pestering the dog.

7 hours and 40 minutes of activity and it's over. We need more stuff for Bailey. Dalton is easy to buy for. He likes everything. Bailey - notsomuch. She's hard to buy for. She likes Dalton's stuff. But, if it was over today, our kids are more than taken care of.

I'm 20 minutes from my second round of Five Hour Energy wearing off.

Total Stats:
$617 Spent
$474 Saved
$1091 worth of crap purchased