Black Friday 2010

O.k. O.k. O.k.  I'm late posting this.  Fact is, there isn't much to post.  Nobody got kicked in the head.  Nobody cussed at me for taking the last Nano-bot.  Nobody lost a finger reaching into the clearance bin for Playstation games in spanish.  But - some stuff happened.  I'll try to remember in the sentences that follow.  Let's seehow motivated I am.

This is our third year of "participating" in Black Friday.  The first, I was not prepared.  I saw things that would forever change me as a human, and American, a shopper.  That poor lady probably still has a scar across her forehead from protecting that pink Leapster that her little brat has probably long outgrown. 

Last year, we were a bit more ready for what we were getting into, however, we miscalculated how important Toys-R-Us was to parents and were WAY back in line, left to deal with some 'Us managers who were tired, under-trained, and honestly - idiots.  Took us an hour to get in the door, thirty minutes to get what we came for, and probably two to check out in a web of gridlocked over achieving parents.    I won't go back to doing that again.

That brings us to year three.  Problem this year was - we had no plan.  We had already um....."made sure Santa had secured" the prized present this year - Nintendo DSi's.  Every present after that is just a wild guess based on several factors including my kids mood, attitude, the price of oil, and a few others.  So, as we sit at the dinner table with the family and big newspapers in hand, we have no idea why we would even want to participate.  We got the paper out and we all sprawled out on the living room floor.

We spotted a few things at Toys-R-Us that caught our attention.  It opens when?  10 P.M.  WHAT?  Did they consult with the government?  How the hell can it be a Black Friday sale if it starts on Thursday???  That's a major breach of shopping etiquette.  The other stores should all get together and kick Toys-R-Us's butt.  They should follow the unstated rules like everybody else.  But, their rudeness was our gain.  That just meant that we had to actually HURRY and get there as opposed to sauntering there.  And - those who know me know how much I love a good saunter.

We get to "The 'Us" around 8:30 and make it in line somewhere between the PetsMart and Office Depot (aren't all the strip malls basically the same?).  We missed the hollowed out Circuit City by about 30 people.  About 300th in line.  Last year, we were probably 500th in line.  It was a bunch colder this year than it was last year.  It started out 75 degrees, but by the time we got in line it had dropped to about 40.  Apparently, several people in the Killeen area do not own a television or radio or have any common sense because half of them were dressed like they were going to a slutty beach party.  We were in line to buy toys.  You would have thought we were there to see Lady GaGa.  I'd like to dress like that, but I didn't know we were going to the White-Trash Prom.  And one big gripe that I probably had last year.  Why isn't your baby/4 year old/handicapped mother HOME?  It's 40 degrees and late at night.  Either get a babysitter or buy your kid the knockoff oriental brand.

Toys-R-Us had learned it's lesson from last year.  I'd like to say the manager last year was fired, but more likely he committed suicide on the Saturday after Black Friday.  The replacements had it under control.  Every once in awhile, they'd come walking by with "tickets" for the big-ticket items.  When somebody screams "Mickey Mouse Picnic Table!!  I've got 3 left!!!" you think "maybe I DO need a Mickey Picnic table!"  They should do that with everything.  People would buy it just to keep everybody else in line from having it. 

Right at 10 they started letting 25 people in at a time, five minutes apart.  Took us about an hour to get to the front.  The whole time, it was getting colder and colder.  The line had started to wrap around the building.  Traffic was horrible.  Somebody tried to cut in front of a pickup with their little Kia and the guy in the pickup got pissed.  Fingers were shared.  High beams were turned on.  A truck door opened.  I got my camera ready as quick as I could but by the time the power was on - it was over.  Once we got inside the building, it was nice and fun.  There was no "must have" item that we were looking for, so we walked down the aisles and found the bargains.  A drum kit here, a keyboard there.  A skateboard with pads, games.  The Snoopy Sno-cone machine was on sale.  C'mon.  My kids have to have a Snoopy sno-cone machine.  I had 10 of them growing up.  We were done shopping in 30 minutes again.

We found our way to the end of the checkout line, somewhere between baby diapers and Legos.  The people in front of me had been there for some time and had two baskets full of crap.  I couldn't tell if their kid was 2 years old or 20.  They had a little bit of everything.  She had a notebook full of graphs and charts.  She wasn't just going after bargains.  No, she was telling me where the good clearance items were in the store.  I can buy clearance items in June lady.  I'm here for the thrill of the hunt!  She gave me some good stock tips, planned my next vacation, and diagnosed my cough with her handy little notebook while we were in line.  She was nice.  Just very strange.

The people behind me looked like they were going to a Puerto Rico wedding.  The strange thing was, they brought their elderly mother who was in an electronic wheelchair.  I have nothing against mothers in wheelchairs - I've got one.  But why is she running over my heels complaining that she's cold/tired/hot/mad.  She wanted the line to move faster, so her brilliant solution was to run into my butt a thousand times.  Like I was going to bum rush the thousand people in front of me and get her out of there.  She didn't know how to drive her chair in the first place.  The fact that we were crowded into one side of toy aisles was just ten times worse.  By the time we got out, I was ready to push her in traffic.  No.  It wasn't her fault.  It was her daughter's fault for letting her come. 

We got out around 12:10 or so.  Just missed the opening of the REAL Black Friday sales that actually STARTED on Friday.  But - we were pretty pleased with our haul of crap.  Now, we had to make a decision.  We decided to "drive-by" our local Walmart to check out the scene.  I was ready to pack it in.  We left it up to fate.  Wouldn't ya know, as we pulled in, a prime parking spot opened up?  We took it as a sign from St. Visa, the shopping God, and went in.

Now Wal-mart in Belton, Texas, is my people.  I saw about 10 people I knew.  One person recognized me from our newspaper article last Sunday.  Apparently, we had purchased too much boy stuff at store number one.  So we were there to make amends.  I did have one thing I had on my radar for "the family."  A set of new pots and pans for the kitchen.  Ours were getting nasty.  I've gotten used to flakes of no-stick teflon in my ramen noodles, but I wanted a change.

We bought three small toys, some pajamas and clothes for the kids.  Checkout was again a challenge so went ahead and got in line.  Wouldn't you know it?  Sitting right next to the chicklets, somebody had gone and set down exactly what I was too lazy to go look for.  The Paula Deen ten piece set!  I LOVE Paula Deen!  And I'm pretty sure her pans come pre-buttered. 

So, we were able to pile on a bit more before closing out and heading home.  Got home around 1:30 to relieve grandma and grandpa.  Dalton had woken up and found grandpa there.  He was told that mommy and daddy went to one of the elf meetings.  Dalton was a bit concerned that his behavior over the last few weeks might influence the elves in a negative way.  All was well the next morning though.

Oh.  And the Paula Deen pots and pans contain no butter.  That's just wrong.